Monday, January 3, 2011

HAPPY NEW YEAR! (a few days late)

Here is to the positivity that I want in my life from now on! 2011 is a start to what will be. I start school for respiratory therapy on the 5th! I am sooo beyond excited. The next two years will probably be the HARDEST years I have EVER experienced. To be honest I don't think I've had to experience much 'hard' in my life. I am very blessed. Even though I was raised by a single mother I never experienced anything truly traumatic as a child.  Even though I married a man who did not deserve me or the children I gave him I never experienced loss or anguish.  The last few years of my life, when I decided to strike out against what I was raised to think was 'right' I have been homeless, trampled on, hurt, and still I felt no real loss because I had my children. Then in 2009 my Papa was called home to our Father in Heaven and that is the biggest hit my life has ever taken. The only man who spent his life loving and guiding me as if that was his only duty was gone. If you've known the loss of a father and grandfather in the same moment and watched them suffer and die in that moment then you know of my loss.  In 2010 my Uncle Dirty (Kirk) passed away from psoriasis of the liver. This was the 2nd and last father figure in my life. And once again experienced watching a loved one die in front of my face. Both these deaths hit me hard but I moved on with them in my heart with a clear head knowing I'd be alright. Now I face watching my Grandmother deteriorate slowly. She probably has 5-10 years left in her but it will hard to watch her move into this last stage of life. But I'm thinking the next two years in school will just be more voluminously difficult. I KNOW I will see those people who pass on again. My only uncertainty is my success here in this life. So far I feel kind of medocrly successful.  It is time for 2011 to change from mediocre to AWESOME!  So here it is Jan 3 and I'm 3 days on the wagon, 2 days eating healthy, and 1 day exercising. I think I'm off to a good start! Bring it on SCHOOL!

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